Life As a Puzzle Piece

Finding Purpose Outside of “The One”

My Dear Lovelians and Lifers,

Life is a little wild thing alright. My stomach cannot help but sink as I write this. I don’t know why, but for me, declaring to the world what my gut knows to be true makes the truth far more real for some reason, as if it had the option not to be if I kept silent and buried it under excuses. Saying it aloud to others means I must act, otherwise I’m a fool…or just lazy. I desire to be neither, so ignoring the truth tempts me more than I care to admit.

I sincerely hoped to stay where I am now for at least a few years, but…another mismatch. By mismatch, I mean a dealbreaker that would threaten my mental health if I stayed. A fact I learned about myself recently: My gut leads my decisions. Reason makes my plans, but I am ultimately a gut follower. And I often do not know my mind until it is made up, which could happen at any moment of the day; that moment when my gut and head align. As soon as this occurs, I act immediately. To tell you the truth, I have no idea whether this is a sign of immaturity, lack of experience, or personal psychology, perhaps a mingling of all three.

Original image credit to Vardan Papikyan

Lately, I’ve been feeling like a lone puzzle piece, not lost per say, more like discouraged. I see the image on my surface and have done my best to find my place in the bigger picture. But so far, I have only succeeded in discovering like-colors. But not a match, which has left me rather disheartened.

But you know, funny thing about life as a puzzle piece, there is no one place I fit. As a young person, I felt the pressure to “find my purpose,” that one gift that becomes my pursuit for the rest of my life Yahta yahta yahta. Either I have been passed over in this department, or the belief is wrong. I mean, I know I have skills, but I wouldn’t consider any of them my “purpose”; therefore, I am inclined to think my purpose lies outside of “The One” because I believe in a God who sees me and rejoices in the person He has created to help Him bring a little bit of Heaven down to earth. In other words, I have not been jipped or left out; there is a plan, a good one. Part of the beauty of life is discovering how it unfolds.

For a time, I may be blue sky with a hint of cloud, but then I might slowly become a red flower petal and need to find another match elsewhere. I’m working on coming to terms with this because, frankly, I just want to be comfortable. I crave the stability of sticking with one course for the rest of my life…and I don’t. I will say, it does give me some peace knowing I don’t have to choose what I will do for the rest of my life right now. A little. I’m still stressed. But what else is new? I’m a working progress. During this season of life as a puzzle piece where I have one foot in the world and the other in my home, I have come to understand the importance of being able to take that foot out of the world and just be home. Obsession does not a healthy person make.

I will keep you posted on what I find. Merry Christmas friends!

Stay Curious,

Olivia

P.S. Folklore. I am in love with this album by Taylor Swift. Not sure why. I just find it beautiful. Highly recommend. I have listened to her newer works, but for some reason I didn't click with this album until now.