Growing UP

Adventures in Self-Denial

Original image credit to Adam Nieścioruk

My Dear Lovelians & Lifers,

Prepare for a bit of Christianese today. I do my best not to use churchy words that make following Jesus sound like an exclusive club, but this time, I confess, the subject revolves around an experience I found fascinating and am looking forward to sharing.

When a follower of Jesus admits she is fasting, oftentimes she means she is denying herself something she wants, such as social media, Netflix, or muffins, in order to use that time investing in God’s words (the Bible) or talking to Him (prayer). Think of fasting as an intensive you might take over the summer to remove distractions and immerse yourself in a subject like theatre or soccer. Fasting uses the body’s cravings as a reminder for a Christian to pursue building his relationship with God more intently than he might do on any regular day.

By the end of a fasting period, which can range from as long as a few hours to several months, I for one usually feel more at peace; there is a clarity that comes with this level of focus, sort of like filtering through radio static to restore a bad connection. I won’t say how often I do this because it really depends on the person. Usually, it is a private matter between myself and God.

This time, however, was a little different than the way I usually carry out this action. I don’t mind talking about it because I believe what I learned is worth sharing and does not infringe on privacy. I don’t share all my experiences because some moments are meant just for me. It would be the equivalent of sharing with a classmate the meaning behind an inside joke between close friends.

Normally, I choose for myself when the time is right for a fast, but I decided to join my church when the leaders announced what they would be doing to prepare for the new year and invited the rest of us to join. I was challenged to choose a form of food denial rather than or alongside a mental one like Netflix. I don’t normally do food fasts, but I thought it worth a try.

I admit. Food fasts are a lot harder than they sound. I struggled, hard, for multiple reasons. First, I joined the leaders of my church rather than be led by my own need. Therefore, I lacked my usual motivation. Second, I haven’t denied myself any kind of food for a very long time (I chose dessert for this excursion). I know, I just threw myself under the bus. Yes, I spoil myself regularly. See, I convinced myself that mental discipline is more important than food cravings, so I always chose something along the lines of media. Normally, I don’t have nearly as difficult a time with dedication because the focus and peace I receive in turn make everything worth it. But I didn’t receive either of those this time. I was just consistently telling myself ‘no’ just…because. For these reasons, I almost quit by the end of the week.

Needless to say, it didn’t sit well with me to say ‘no’ just for the heck of it. So I asked Him. What should I do? Should I stop? He didn’t answer this time, but the more I thought about it the more frustrated I became with myself. I wanted to join my church to begin with because I wanted to do something difficult together that we could talk about while each gaining a deeper understanding of God along the way. These moments don’t often align with my timing. But why should they have to? So I continued, albeit uncertainly and more than a bit disgruntled at not being given a straight answer. It definitely wasn’t the prettiest (or most mature) fast I’ve ever committed to. There was pouting involved and more than one cranky episode…yep. That happened.

But I’ll tell you what I learned. First, denying my body’s cravings was incredibly healthy. When I stopped spoiling my body by continuously telling it ‘no’, the tantrums became shorter and shorter until, finally, it started growing up and, eventually, stopped craving the unhealthy so often. My body adjusted to drinking tea with honey in the afternoon and evening instead, which I continue even now. I’m actually highly suspicious that the amount of sweets I consumed on a regular basis contributed to the vertigo I mysteriously developed recently and had no issue with during the fast. Hmm…

I also discovered mental benefits as well that affect other aspects of my life. I understand how important it is to tell my body ‘no’ once in a while, even if it’s just because. I feel…stronger, less inclined to give in when I want something badly, which can translate to bad habits and even online shopping. I’ve learned that I can in fact tell myself ‘no’, and I do in fact possess the capability to take my own word seriously. For these reasons, I would do this kind of fast again should the occasion arise, self-led or otherwise.

Dear friends, I hope you find my experience encouraging, if not maybe a bit illuminating. There is no formula for following God “correctly”. Just try, and give it your all. He will match your desire with an open door. Where does it lead? Who knows? It’s for you to find out.

Stay Curious,

Olivia

P.S. An update on my journey into nostalgia. I am currently dedicating a bit of my resources to decorating my bedroom as thoroughly as possible, which I’ve never really bothered with before. I’m hanging art I’m proud of instead of stuffing it in a closet somewhere. I want to appreciate where I’ve been so as to fully value where I am now.