Taking Thoughts Captive

The Confidence Battle and Stepping Back into Trust

Original image credit to Priscilla Du Preez

My Dear Lovelians & Lifers,

I finally understand what the Bible means when it says take every thought captive to obey Christ. At first, I thought of this instruction as simply urging me not to dwell on certain thoughts or ideas. Now I know if I ignore thoughts pulling me toward a dangerous dream rather than capture it, it buries itself in the soil of my heart and sows seeds of discontentment. Selfishness, ego, and greed ---- the roots of dangerous dreams.

Two weeks ago, I walked in confidence, trusting He would guide me to where and who I needed to be. By the end of last week, I struggled to keep enough energy to outlast the day. I ignored those trespassing thoughts rather than capture them. Slowly but steadily, they whispered and pulled until I began to believe them, and I found myself discontented and losing faith that the road He currently has me on ultimately leads to thriving.

How can it when it lies so far outside my comfort zone? With loss of confidence came loss of stamina, and with loss of stamina came burnout, which lowers my immune system (for first-year teachers, this is especially bad). This has happened to me before, so I recognize the pattern. Whenever my heart is sick in this way, my body soon follows.

It doesn’t take much to get myself back on track, just some weeding. I stop pushing aside those pervasive thoughts that produce the wrong longings and give them full attention. Then me and Jesus have a little chat. I hold them up for Him to see (as if He couldn’t before), and together we see them for what they are, human frailty. I confess the longings in my heart, and he reminds me where dangerous dreams lead ---- isolation, egocentrism, and aimless wandering.

Where You are is where I want to be

Confidence in You

Confidence in me

Deciding to be confident takes practice...and honesty. And confidence battles aren’t always easy wins. More often than not, I find myself staring down imposter syndrome; in these moments, my dangerous dreams curl up in my lap, and something in my heart purrs with longing. For what? Depends on the person.

Here’s a clue: it feeds off my greatest desire. For me, I crave peace, relief from internal and external conflict, stability. Knowing this, I must guard myself against any imaginations that promise a false peace, usually in the form of control. The warrior’s road can be frightening because I don’t know where I’m going. But I know my Jesus, witnessed the truth of His words for myself. No amount of control on my part will ever measure up to the peace He gives to those who rely on Him. Now, Dear Friends, you know as well because I wrote the evidence down for you.

To assist in confidence battles such as this one, I tape sticky notes on my bathroom mirror so every time I look at myself, I remember to choose to see a young woman in partnership with her Jesus rather than a girl faking at being an adult. Some of my notes are meaty and take more time to chew ----

You have laid down precepts [instructions for living] that are to be fully obeyed. [context: Psalm 119:4]

While others are sweet water soothing to the stomach ----

The Lord guards the inexperienced...Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you [context: Psalm 116: 6-7]

Those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength [context: Isaiah 40:31]

More easy-down notes exist than tough ones because the human spirit is easily discouraged, but I need both to win the confidence battle. The soothing ones encourage me, while the chewy few strengthen me with solid ground and outline in caution tape the road leading to old mentalities and hazardous imaginations.

I also write down moments when I experience His guidance. Some I share; others I keep to myself. Whenever He opens doors, I always feel like I’ve witnessed a miracle because what are the odds produces such wonder in my heart, as it should. We're still in this together.

You have my Sword,

Olivia

P.S. Reflecting on and modernizing the blessings of Deuteronomy 28 has been an excellent encouragement. Obedience may be difficult at times, but for those who keep at it will reap so much more than they sow.