Oh Mighty Man
- Olivia.DOW
- Nov 6, 2023
- 3 min read
On Self-Sufficiency and the True Power of a Warrior
I have finally found a moment of respite, a bit of peace seated on the edge of the pool after surfacing from the Big Plunge, if you will.
I took the leap of faith and cannon-balled into the deep end. Bubbles raced over my cheeks and wove through my hair as I sank, and water pressed on my body from all sides, making it difficult to keep my breath. With pressure continuing to build, I quickly realized my mistake in underestimating the depths of this particular body of water.
Despite the amount of support at my back, I found myself suffocating on classroom management failures, lesson plans, and not enough daylight hours; the typical first-year teacher scene so I am told. I can do this; I got this. I swam with all my might, trying to get ahead of the game and regain control of my environment. But I couldn’t.
With no solid ground for my feet to stand on, I could not reach the surface, my goal of self-sufficiency. I ran out of everything----stamina, motivation, peace----all the strength and energy I possessed at the Leap drained away. All I could do was keep putting one foot in front of the other, believing He had guided me to this place.
Here I was held, suspended in the in-between for so many days they turned into weeks. One step, then another. The weeks slowly morphed into a month. Wake up; do the work I’ve been called to do; go home. And then a month became a month-and-a-half. Stay present; focus on the moment.
I continued reading the Bible, praying, searching for answers.
Why do you boast of evil, O mighty man?
The steadfast love of God endures all the day.
Control. Self-sufficiency. My most tempting dangerous dream. To be needed yet need no one and orchestrate every move of my day. But...from what I know of the Kingdom of God from walking the Warrior’s Road, this mindset, this yearning for mental and emotional might, is an evil in His eyes and detrimental to our relationship.
What I am desiring in all actuality is to be enough to the point where I don’t need Him anymore. And if the Kingdom of God is found among people, then how can my design allow for living any other way? It is impossible for mankind to thrive in isolation, and without God, the might of a man amounts to the value of fool’s gold.
He is not impressed by the strength of a horse;
He does not value the power of a warrior.
The Lord values those who fear Him,
Those who put their faith in His faithful love.
God has never been impressed with power. The might of a man cannot hold a candle to the might of God. Human power is an illusion, and depending on it alone separates us from Him. We were designed to need Him; therefore, self-sufficiency is self-destructive and rooted in pride.
Even the greatest in the eyes of people should never boast of their own strength. Only one system need be altered and the human body is incapacitated with a migraine or dizziness or bedridden with sickness.
The true power of a warrior is rooted in faith, one that partners with God and is ready for action when He blows the whistle. My natural instinct is to take on mountains I can rely on myself to climb. My Jesus is stretching me, guiding me towards walking in peace and joy despite not having a clue what the future holds or what I will need to prepare for it.
He has never failed. I always have exactly what I need when I need it. I’m learning to be okay without all the answers. It’s one thing to say this; it’s quite another to live it. A worry-bent mind is a powerful thing. But so is prayer. I would not be where I am without it. I was only able to break the surface when I gathered my support system and asked them to pray peace over me because I couldn’t anymore.
Now here I sit at the edge of the pool looking towards an uncertain but hopeful future with new solutions to try on the horizon. After all, prayer does not always take away every ailment. Part of me is glad. If reading Kings and Chronicles proves anything it’s that human beings can never forget how much we need Him.
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