Humility Before Honor

Olivia.DOW
4 days ago
4 min read

Saying ‘Yes’ to the Hard Things

My Dear Lovelians & Lifers,

I left it all behind today. My time as a teacher has ended. I didn’t intend to say goodbye; in fact, I fully planned on staying another year…and then another. Teaching has been the hardest ‘yes’ I have ever given. Each semester, it grew even more difficult. I don’t know if you know this, my friend, but middle schoolers are a bit…unruly, and chaos does not quite match my temperament. And then the door closed. I felt I had been released. Where you lead, I follow. That was the deal. I do not know why my Jesus lead me to this place, knowing full well I would never fit, where every day was a hard-fought challenge that left me feeling empty. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, it just would not work. The pieces would not fall into place.

I often wondered why such a miraculous open door would lead to such discouragement and expressed my frustrations to those closest to me, but I never begged Him for an answer. If I have learned anything from my studies in His word and my second-hand experience through the stories of others, it is that saying ‘yes’ to hard things, just because He asks me to, is imperative to growth. Just ask Abraham. Or Moses. Or any other great leader in the Bible. It is not my goal to become a “great leader.” All I am seeking is life well lived right here and now, hoping that just maybe, I may take others with me. After all, a wonderful life is for anyone willing to do hard things.

I know, my history does not exactly promote saying ‘yes’ to hard things. I mean, who wants to walk through hardship? No one in their right mind, that’s for sure, which is why, to this day, I cannot sing songs that have me imploring God to ‘walk me through fire.’ I can never sing those because all I keep thinking is I’m not that crazy. But I know it’s worth it, or it will be, because I know He’s freeing me. How can I fully live if I am still chained to all my fears and insecurities? By saying ‘yes’ to hard things, I am inadvertently saying yes to everything that leads to life—strength, endurance, peace…and humility.

Humility before honor.

Where there is ego, there can be no honor. I myself have experienced this. At the closing of this school year, I chose to give an award to another student who, in the eyes of his peers, least deserved it because the one everyone thought would receive it had an ego twice as tall as he was. Particularly since it was middle school, I decided on a different candidate, not out of spite, but in efforts to call out something I saw in this more troubled student that had the potential to change his life for the better. I wanted him to keep surprising people, himself included, in all the best ways, as he surprised me one day in class when he finally put aside his hooliganism to focus for a moment on his work. All it would take was a little dedication. Humility before honor.

I am more than aware of my own swollen ego. How I longed in those final days to be awarded myself for all my efforts and struggles to do the next right thing every day. To never settle and keep striving, keep trying, over and over again. But I wasn’t, at least, not in the way I craved. Instead, I watched others stand and receive what I longed for. I know in my heart the rewards were rightfully given. Each and every one of my coworkers worked with as much dedication as I did. I just…wanted my struggle to be noticed, my endurance celebrated. I wanted my efforts to be honored.

But they weren’t, not like in the movies. Movies are nice, but they can be awfully black and white. It’s either the main character, who is the good guy, gets the award for being good, or the antagonist receives it to make a point or add drama to the climax. But what happens when the one who receives the adoration and applause is just as hardworking and kind and worthy of it as the main character through whose eyes we, the audience, view the unfolding circumstances? I see life unfold through my eyes. I can’t help it, but this does not mean others are any less important or worthy just because I can’t see through their point of view. Maybe this is what draws me to stories. I love experiencing others’ point of view, stepping into the shoes of someone other than myself. I find it refreshing. In case you have not yet noticed my friend, I can be incredibly self-centered.

Is this the Why? To feel and understand what it means to celebrate others when I am not? I do not know, nor do I find the answer particularly important.

Humility before honor. Yes, Sir. Will I be honored? Undoubtedly. In front of others? Classified and, honestly, irrelevant.

I don’t always love what life has to offer me. And sometimes there’s no one to blame for it when I want there to be. I don’t always overflow with good things, especially when I feel underappreciated. Sometimes, maintaining wonder is hard, and leaking kindness when poked is exhausting. But I suppose nothing worth pursuing is always a walk in the park, which is why maintenance is required. Keep loving wonder. Keep choosing kindness. Come, my friends, let us be Wonderlings.